i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
