is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
