i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
