Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Acid is not a monday night drug
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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