4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
