apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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