Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
