I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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