dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
