Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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