I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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