I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
