And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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