worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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