If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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