News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
