umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
