i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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