every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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