apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
