We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
