just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
