he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
