i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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