and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
