My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
