Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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