would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize