My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
