the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
