If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
