you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it was like eating out sand paper
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
