I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
