last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
