If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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