what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
no, he came in my armpit
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
