do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize