Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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