I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
where are you?
Hypothermia
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
