I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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