I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What a dumb baby whore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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