I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we made out on top of his cat.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If its not for food we ain't going out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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