I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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