i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
