She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
