They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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