finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
