you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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