pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
