I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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