To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
