Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Never joke about your clitoris.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
