Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize