The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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