And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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