I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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