He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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