I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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