Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
